meant to be.

i apologize in advance for the sap overload, but we'll just blame it on the pregnancy hormones (ah! was that just the official blog announcement?! i think so!). i've wanted to put these thoughts to words...

there are already a hundred things to say about this new journey we're embarking on and i imagine that, from here on out, the wonder and anxiety and heart-stopping love and gratitude for it all will only grow and continue.

to be perfectly honest, one of the biggest, initial feelings i had about this baby growing inside of me was fear. it surprised me…how much the fear seemed to eclipse any joy or excitement in most moments.(welcome to motherhood, right?) the fear and anxiety of all that can go wrong, of all of the ways i am still not ready (it was a little bit unexpected), and still so selfish. ultimately, the fear of how hard it will be. 

in those moments, the one thought that brought so much comfort and peace to my heart was this man. thinking of him being a dad put all those frantic, fearful, selfish thoughts to rest. i would think of watching him parent and soak up & love on this baby and it would fill me with so much excitement and happiness. it would make everything okay. it would make it all feel that this is meant to be.

even when we were 22, i had an acute sense that andy would be an incredible father. he brought excitement, happiness, comfort, and love into my life…unlike anything i’d ever felt before meeting him. i knew then that one day he would love and cherish his babies, just as i feel loved and cherished by him every day.

so i have found myself tearing up at random times lately—driving through my neighborhood, brushing my teeth at night—overwhelmed by all that he has given me and all that he will continue to give to our child. the fear is still there, of course…but there’s a lot more awe and gratitude mixed in.

serious                  //                     smiles

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