alert: long, rambly post below.

i've been reading this book, which has only made me more depressed about (and more aware of) the situation leading up to the iraq war...and the subsequent position in which we found ourselves as a country. when we invaded iraq, i was a senior in highschool and really, for the most part, pretty clueless about the political machinations behind the whole ordeal. the only actions i can remembering taking part in were a couple of peace vigils on the pedestrian bridge over dodge street in midtown omaha. it was only in college that i began to learn (for myself) what some of the main motivations for war were. {wait, wait: saddam hussein had nothing to do with the 9/11 attacks? the only groups to blame are al-qaeda and the taliban, not the iraqis? wait, what?!} it all was a bit disturbing then and even more so now, as i'm learning what information was really known by the bush administration at that point and, perhaps more importantly, those in the press.

we didn't really know what was happening...unless you were a new yorker. last night i read that, interestingly enough, new yorkers were decidedly more against invading iraq than americans elsewhere. the author posits that perhaps, due to the fact that they had suffered such great firsthand loss, they were more likely to really dig deep and look at the facts behind this "retaliation" act in the name of their lost loved ones. and, sure enough, they may have realized that saddam and invading iraq was not the answer...along with the fact that a war, and the loss of more lives, would never bring back their loved ones. he goes on to say that the majority of americans, however, were just listening to evening newscasts, talk show hosts, and whatever else the press (and government) was feeding us.

add to all this a conversation andy and i had a few nights ago. he mentioned that so many enlisted soldiers have porn on their phones and they look at it during work hours. i naively asked: "wait, how are they allowed to do that?! isn't that kind of activity banned on work property...while you're supposed to be working?!" andy's response: "nobody cares what soldiers do...nobody really cares about them, period. i mean, all we do is send them off to die."

this being said from a man who leads soldiers, mentors them, and has come to know them--their strengths, weaknesses, personalities, interests, background, family lives, etc. those words don't reflect his attitude and relationships with his soldiers, but this young army officer is just speaking the truth.

"but that's not true!", some people would say. "we support our troops!" thus far, there have been around 4,374 soldiers killed in iraq (both enlisted and officers). 4,374. i know this may sound blunt, but that's 4,374 andy marks....4,734 men & women, each one connected to hundreds of other people: family members, friends, coworkers, etc. this doesn't include the casualties in afghanistan...that other war we're fighting.

can't we finally-finally-show them some real support and just bring them home? it all comes down to us. if we, as americans, continue to send people to congress who continue to support funding the war...the war goes on. as andy always says, "no money, no war. simple as that."

but apparently that's not what we want.

it's sickening. and i hate to go on and on with my anti-war blabber, but when talk of deployment is a regular dinnertime conversation, it's hard to not share bits and pieces of this world with which i was so unfamiliar just a few years ago, especially when conversations like the one i mentioned above weigh on my heart. sometimes it just helps to share.