hero.

yesterday andy mentioned, almost as an afterthought,

that he was awarded the Bronze Star Medal.

i don't like/use capital letters...

but i cannot type that without the big ones.

because it's a big award.

(apparently the 4th highest combat award

given in the armed forces. i had to do some research.)

he was given the award for his service this deployment

and i can guarantee that during the ceremony 

he was thinking back to last summer...

when they slept on rocks,

he had friends who gave their lives,

and every day he was leading his men

in firefights with the taliban.

when i think back to that time,

i  think about how distant we were,

with such scarce communication.

i did not know then that he was

at the lowest point he'd ever felt,

terrified every day for his life and the life of his soldiers

YET

leading them bravely,

without showing an ounce of fear,

knowing that their ability to fully trust him was a matter of life or death.

i can barely stand the way it makes my heart feel.

and when i think about him telling me

that he honestly wasn't sure if he'd 

see me again 

while saying goodbye on that hot june night,

knowing far better than i 

the dangerous situation they were heading into

...i lose my breath for a second and my body goes numb.

he is

such 

a hero

to me.

...in soldier ways

and just plain

wonderful human being ways.

i am so lucky to love him.

congrats, awm.

i can't wait to welcome you home.